Labor Day Weekend... We're Comin' Along

It's been a fun last couple of days at the Gates Home.The latest play-fad is going "grocery shopping" in the pantry. The kids get all of the food off of the shelves (they can reach) and bring them out into the middle of the kitchen floor. Lincoln then brings out the blender and they "make a smoothie" by putting as many ingredients into the blender and "pouring" the rest of the ingredients through the opening in the lid.Henry was an absolute all-star at church yesterday. Jenn and I knew that we'd have to start leaving him in the kids class with Lydia when our ABF kicks off again, so we decided that September 2 would be our trial run. Henry walked in the door (having seen the toys first) and followed Lydia to the middle of the room. He looked back once, but the teachers were really calm and patient with him, so he was really cool about it. Jenn and I had our first whole church experience without crying interruptions or chasing kids around the atrium since early May. When I went to get Henry and Lydia, I received the report that Henry hadn't cried at all and played very well with the other kids.

Now here's the thing about that... This past Wednesday I took Henry and Lincoln for haircuts, and it was Henry's second since coming home. After being a really good, calm boy the first time around, he was an absolute train-wreck the second time. Something about actually knowing what to anticipate. So the real test will be next Sunday, but we've got a whole 'nother week to pray about that!Lincoln and I made some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies yesterday and put them in the oven today. Lydia even helped a little bit, but when over half of the chocolate chips that she was supposed to put in the mixer ended up on the floor, her time of helpfulness was over. Honestly, Lincoln was really good about this. The dough had gotten pretty firm in the refrigerator overnight, but he scooped over 40 cookies by himself, steadying the bowl and filling the scoop each time all by himself.I've alluded to the fact that the last couple of months have had their difficulties. (New to the blog and interested in filtering out all of the other stuff so you can just see our adoption journey? click here.) Henry has adjusted well, but when it has come to dealing with his emerging toddler issues, the stuggles of attatching to him, his lack of communication ability, the pairing of toddler issues that come along with Lydia, and the overall ordeal of having 3 young kids in the house, we've had some tough, even dark times. But things are looking up, and there are a number of reasons for this. First of all, at no time along the way has our relationship with the LORD or with each other been comprimised.

Secondly, our times with Dr. DeGeorge at Oak Adoptive Health have been helpful for re-enforcing some positives and making clear that there are neurochemical reasons for our stresses.

Thirdly, Jenn and I have intentionally taken some time to see how far things really have come over the last three months. The before-and-after photos are very helpful.

Fourthly, when we learn of some of the struggles that other adoptive families have had, we see that in many areas, we don't have those degrees of struggles. To be clear, even if someone has greater issues than we have, that doesn't mean that ours are not difficult or that they aren't significant within our home. But we are soooooo thankful that Henry sleeps through the night, that he naps reliably, that he doesn't have anger issues and that he doesn't have possession issues. And he's slowly making progress on the communication front. Seeing that there has been progress on this front is encouraging.

Also helpful are the times we revisit CCAI's website to look at the current group of Waiting Children. The need is so great, both in terms of numbers of kids and in individual terms. Looking at the stories of these boys and girls is sobering... and to think that at one point in time there was a page just like these for Henry, with a description of what little history he had as well as his physical limitations. When I read some of the stories of the boys and girls I think to myself, "Who is going to adopt these kids?" And my next thought is, how many people looked at Henry's page and said to themselves, "Who's going to adopt this little boy?" Well, we did, and he's growing up into a neat little boy! And that's just it, these kids need loving families, and they can thrive and overcome what life has dealt them if they are simply provided a loving family.

Are things now going to be all lollipops and roses going forward? Ha! Fat chance. The main reason I share the above is for prospective adoptive families to get a small glimpse into the world of a current adoptive family that wasn't all smooth sailing from the start. If you're thinking about adoption and you'd like to learn more details than I've even shared here, don't hesitate to contact us. You deserve to have as much information prior to your big day as possible.

And as Jenn and I were reflecting on these things today during lunch (after we told the kids to go entertain themselves!), we actually talked about adopting another. We're crazy. We know.

But in all seriousness, despite the difficulties, the feelings of guilt that have emerged from time to time along the way, and all of the chaos, we still believe we are acting within God's plan for our family, so who knows what will come.

Now moving on from Adoption stuff and back to Gates Family stuff. We were outside the other day, I was power washing the house and Jenn and the kids were washing the car, and Lydia decided to clean her guns. Our first thought was, "Grandpa Doug and Uncle Jeremy would be proud!"Bath time has been a hoot lately when, after getting all of the kids out of the tub and semi-dried off in their animal towels, they all run off toghether the room-of-their-choice-at-the-moment.This past Saturday was the 9th installment of the Lauren & Logan Birthday Party. Our kids ate like horses and enjoyed themselves amidst the excitement.Lincoln has been quite the photographer lately! He likes to carry the camera around and snap pictures, and I've tried to make it easier on him by not giving him a zoom lens (one more thing for him to have to do with his hands) and by letting him choose whether or not he wants the flash. It's neat because when he's taking photos of Lydia or Henry, their behavior is just different compared with when I'm holding the camera. And, his vantage point is also different from mine, so he/we get some different shots. Here's a sampling...And when the kids are asleep, Jenn either takes a power walk or goes out to the swing set to relax.Lincoln starts preschool tomorrow!!!!!

Before & After

Our adoption agency, Chinese Children Adoption International, recentely asked for us to send a newer photo of Henry to be part of their Before & After collection. It's all part of CCAI's attempt to show the difference that a loving home can make in the face of a child. I often go back to the photos from Henry's Gotcha-Day to remind myself how far he's come. It makes me sad to look at his face and know that he was experiencing real fear and uncertainty.I feel as though it has just been in the past week that he's been behaving like the little Gates brother with regard to his relationship with the other kids and with us in the home and not like the adopted kid still trying to figure out his role. There have been a couple of times when I've arrived home from work and he hasn't rushed to me with a whining grunt. There have been a number of times where he's initiated play on his own with Lincoln and Lydia. He's quite comfortable in the big bath tub now as well as walking in the grass in his bare feet. He's not taking "no" very well at all, just like another boy and girl in our home. As far as his communication, he's nodding his head "yes" much more reliably, and he's repeating consonant sounds after me and adding a couple of new sounds every couple of days (today he said "fa fa fa" and "ssssss sssssss," which I was very happy about because in the past few days when I made those sounds, he'd try but just get frustrated and start crying).

Lydia is stringing lots of words together very well now. Tonight she told Jenn, "Read pirate story again. No read other stories. Just pirate story." Then after Jenn read to her a second time and then laid her in the crib, Lydia said, "Read pirate story three times." Understanding what Lydia wants will make things much easier with her.

Lincoln starts preschool in less than a week. Holy. Cow.

Date Night!

Last evening Jenn and I went on an early-Anniversary date, and it was our first night out since mid-May in Hong Kong. The report out of Grandma & Grandpa was that the kids did great, even for Henry's bedtime routine.We went to the Blue Point Grille for dinner, had a fantastic dinner of calamari, tuna (for Jenn) & grouper (for me), and a killer 'smores-style dessert. Then it was off to see Chris Tucker at the State Theater. To say that we were in the minority in the audience would be a tremendous understatement. Who says we're not doing our part for diversity? Most of the show was really, really funny, and overall it was a very pleasant evening out for us to be adults for awhile instead of glorified baby-sitters.It's hard to believe what all has happened over the past 9+ years. Over dinner we were recalling some of the shows and concerts we've been to, and we were half blown away to think that we saw Huey Lewis & the News 10 years ago. Holy cow! And to think three kids, one of them adopted, have popped up since our mid-vet school days is a bit crazy. I'm not sure our 2003 selves would believe seeing our 2012 selves.Earlier in the day on Saturday we went to a music class that good friends of ours have attended with their daughter for over a year. The teacher has a bachelors in music and a masters in child psychology, so he knows his stuff and how to reach these little kids. They bang on drums and all sorts of percussion instruments, they sing songs in 4/4 time and 3/3 time (I think that's how to say it... lousy musician here), and the room is set up so they can pretty much do whatever they want the whole time and not really ruin anything. Lincoln really got into it, Henry was pretty interactive, and it was Lydia that was the shy and reserved one. Kind of surprised me.

Also, at the end of the class, a mother approached me and commented about Henry's hand and drew my attention to her own hands. She'd had surgery to correct her amniotic banding and her fingers were of variable length & function. (One of the boys in our adoption group was born with the consequences of amniotic banding, so it was especially neat that this mother was so up front about it.) I hadn't noticed her situation at all during the class, and it's just evidence that folks with disabilities like that just figure out ways to do life and do it in such a way that doesn't draw an ounce of attention. Pretty cool.I want to take a moment and say something specifically to the adoptive parents reading this blog, the ones with whom we traveled around China. When we read your blogs and read between the lines and see that there are struggles with bringing your sons and daughters along, it... and I mean this with all sincerity, respect and in the purest form... it makes us feel better about our situation. To know that we're not the only ones with tough times makes the tough times so much easier to deal with, and in turn, makes things much easier for the kids, adopted & biological. If you're not an adoptive parent, this last paragraph didn't make much sense, and in fact you're probably wondering why I sound so crazy. But for you adoptive parents, you know what I'm talking about. Know that we're all going to make it!

Left on tap today is power washing the house. Jenn is going to set up the water table in the front yard, and because tonight is a bath night, we're going to get all sunscreened and sweaty this afternoon in a big family memory-building time. I can sense your envy as you read this.

Toddler Camera Fun

This morning I was holding Henry as I was preparing breakfast, but I had to set him down to cut the omlet. He started crying, and I said, "Hold on, Henry, I just have to cut the omlet." Then Lydia walked over to Henry, stuck out her finger and said, "Dad. Cut. Egg. Hen. No. Cry." Hilarious.Things have definitely improved within the last week as far as Henry's attitude and our response to his attitude are concerned. After weeks of frustration with crying and screaming, not eating well, throwing food, etc., Henry has settled down, and I have to believe it's because he's been getting hugged at every turn. It's not as though we weren't showing him love from the outset (far from it!), but we've stepped up our game even more, and it's paying off.The twins have been wanting to play in the cribs during the day, and they're getting no argument from us on that front. It deinitely limits the messes.And today while Jenn was getting her hair cut and a pedicure, Lydia, Henry and I had some fun with the camera and the remote control.Lincoln is spending the day with Grandpa Doug at Leesville Lake, so it's a Mommy/Daddy/Toddler-Twin Day. Always an adventure!

For all the snot-ball sufferers... you have been lifted to the LORD in prayer.

Tonight Lincoln prayed for all of the people in the world who may have trouble breathing because they have snot-balls in their nose or because they have asthma.On Friday we drove past Lincoln's preschool and I pointed it out to him. He said, "I won't have to go to preschool for very long because I know most things." He must take after his mom on that one because I'm sure I never said anything like that when I was young.Henry has found his screaming voice, and over the past couple of weeks he was using it liberally when he wouldn't get his way, and the screaming would phase into an all-out tantrum. It's been hard because if/when Lincoln and Lydia behave(d) in a similar manner, we'd discipline them accordingly, but with Henry, a different standard applies. Yesterday I made it a point to pick him up and hug him at the first sign of a cry, no matter the cause, before it turned into a screaming, raging fit/tantrum. It made me cringe at first because my first thought was that it would re-enforce the behavior. It sure would with L or L. But it didn't do that at all with Henry. At each turn, he'd stop crying within 30 seconds, and then I'd set him back down and he'd go about his business. Jenn took a similar approach throught today (Monday), and things went well.Last evening we went to an event at CCC-Hudson that was an all-campus party. It was really, really cool: live jazz, ice cream, games for the kids, plenty of space to bring a picnic dinner for the family and sit with friends. Lydia is in her element in big crowds, Lincoln was a very good boy, and Henry enjoyed the small slides, walking around with Daddy, and a little bit of the ice cream... until his mouth got too cold.I've also learned this summer that container gardening is half-fun. The problem is that there is so little yield. I'm going to work on getting a garden in the ground next year.

Swings & Angry Birds

Our own version of Angry Birds!