One Week Post Asia

It's been the first week of many adjustments at the Gates Home. Jenn is working her tail off keeping up with the kids all day. Then when I get home, the bedtime/bathtime routine is taking about 90 minutes, and then we're whipped and everyone is asleep.It's become clear that Henry is quite delayed in the emotional development department. Eighteen months in a poor Chinese orphanage will do that to you. Going from...

• a year and a half of simply having his basic needs met to...
  
  
• spending two weeks with our undivided attention in either small, under-whelming hotel rooms or attached to one or the other of us to...
  
  
• learning how to adapt to an overwhelming house with other kids, and parents that can't pay 100% attention to him all of the time, and a routine with which he's not familiar.

Because of these events, this week has predictably been a challenge for Henry, and by extension, for Jenn and me. Lincoln and Lydia are doing pretty well. It didn't surprise us to see some behavioral setbacks with them given the circumstances of the past month. Lydia simply obeys when she wants to and lives in her own little princess world most of the time. Lincoln has been very good, very gentle, and very loving with Henry. He wants to be the boss most of the time, but what four-year-old doesn't?Interestingly, Gretel has been amazingly good lately, too. It's no secret that Jenn regretted getting Gretel early on in her time with us, but she's matured into a wonderful Boxer and a very good family dog. Henry was deathly, irrationally afraid of the dogs at first, and Gretel seemed to be very bothered by that. She'd go sit in the corner when Henry cried, nay screamed, around her. Now he's been less afraid of her in the past couple of days, but she's doing a wonderful job of letting him get comfortable with her. Betty, with her bouncing, snorting behavior is another story. Who'd have thought he'd warm up to Gretel before Betty?

After I was away from the clinic for three weeks, Dad was ready for a vacation, so he and Jeremy took off on the annual June fishing trip to Stony Lake. Thankfully I was able to get away around the kids naptime on Friday and help Jenn out with that. Until all three kids get used to the New Way, it's a lot of work brushing the teeth of a four year old and two year-and-a-half-year-olds, reading them their stories and getting them down for a nap.

Pretty sure a skunk was spraying at Gretel the other evening. I was playing a game with Lincoln when I smelled skunk, and then I saw Gretel on the deck licking profusely and foaming a lot around her mouth. Her muzzle smelled a bit like skunk. She was probably licking something that had just been sprayed. The house smelled of skunk for about 18 hours, but with the windows open and a good breeze, it passed before a day. With all that's been going on here, we didn't need to add a skunked dog to the mix over the next couple of weeks until the smell got off of here!

The Gates Family Way

Time for Post #500...

The weekend has passed, I'm back to work, and Jenn is as busy as ever keeping up with now three kids. Henry is definitely in the process of getting used to the Gates Family way of doing things. In some aspects he's regressed from the progress that seemed to be occurring in our second week with him, but that's what happens when you move from hotel living to a house with other kids and lots of space. It makes sense when one thinks about the fact that he spent months in a room of an orphanage and then when things did get mixed up, he moved to another small room with two people that gave him constant attention (and food!). Things are different now.
Henry's making progress in the food/eating department, and he's sleeping quite well. He's irrationally fearful of the dogs, and that is something that we'll have to keep working on. This afternoon is the first time we've seen him start to come out of his shell since we've been home. This evening, when I was wrestling with Lincoln and Lydia, he came over to us and did his version of playing with us. I was encouraged to see him plug himself into the action a bit.

That didn't take long.

Jenn and I feel like our expectations for this stage of the adoption weren't unrealistic, but rather we didn't have much expectations for this stage. There's certainly not much said that we've heard from others in the adoption community about these initial days and weeks following the adoption other than, "Life is great, things are wonderful." It may be because most families are so busy with getting things back on track to even have time to comment and share their feelings and experiences. As Jenn and I have come to learn about most stages of life, no matter the stage or the surrounding events, reality is often different than that which many like to project. So we're working through what needs to be worked through, and we're keeping a big-picture attitude about all of it.

Today while Jenn was out pulling the kids in the wagon, she and Lincoln noticed a lot of chirping. It was Lincoln that spotted this robin's nest very quickly in the tree beside our driveway, and it's the mother that causes a big to-do when we get too close to the nest.
Yesterday we enjoyed a fun dinner with the entire Hopwood crew. We got to see Ella for the first time, and the Hopwoods got to catch Henry for the first time.

Coming Home, a.k.a. Back To Reality

We checked out of The China Hotel on Friday afternoon at 3:30, received Henry's visa shortly thereafter, hopped into a van with Dr. & Mrs. Dutter and their little boy, and took off for Hong Kong.  The boys made the trip pretty well.  The constant speed-up and braking as we passed through the cities made me a bit queasy, but nothing big-deal.  Henry filled his diaper once.

As if to seal the vision in our minds, we saw high rise after high rise under construction and crane after crane, even in the "smaller" cities from Guangzhou to Hong Kong.  Whenever I used to hear about China having over a billion people, and knowing that big sections of the country were uninhabitable, I wondered where they put everybody. I don't wonder anymore.  They put people one floor on top of another.  Some of the apartment buildings look nice, but we saw many, many buildings in which I'd think nobody would want to live.

Going through customs into Hong Kong was interesting.  Definitely more intense than the Peace Bridge.  The man on the Chinese side checked our paperwork and waved us past.  At the Hong Kong gate, a masked woman opened the door to our van and aimed a gun at each of us and pulled the trigger.  That it was an infrared tool to check our temperatures was a good thing, but still kind of creepy.  We were shortly waved past as our passports and visas checked out okay, and we apparently weren't carrying any diseases.

The drive into Hong Kong was neat given the time of evening.  The buildings around Victoria Harbor were starting to light up, and we wove through traffic to the Regal Kowloon Hotel.  They're renovating this hotel floor by floor, and unless you can get a reservation for one of the updated rooms, we'd suggest finding another hotel.  The noise from the hallway and adjacent rooms was not blocked out in the least, the network did not work for us as it was advertised, the drain in the shower gave us a shower/bath sensation, and the crib they gave us for Henry was a dangerous joke.  The location was cool, but the room was not.

We passed a Subway on the way in, and that sounded like a good dinner to us, so after we got settled I asked the concierge how to get to Subway.  He told me to walk out of the tunnel, make a right, and it would be about a five-minute walk.  Dr. Indiana and I walked out of the tunnel and Subway was right in front of us.  I think the concierge was giving me directions to the subway.
We rose early to catch the airport shuttle, which was very convenient, arrived at the airport and took off on time.  This was welcome because our in-China flights never left on time.  I've got to say, too, that the staffs of the into and out of Hong Kong flights have been the friendliest I've ever seen.  Good job, United, for hiring great workers for long and potentially trying flights.

Going strong after 14 hours on a plane.

We couldn't have asked for a better traveller in Henry.  Sure he was loud at times, but he was always happy, he slept a good bit, and never gave us too much trouble. The only time he really cried was when we strapped him in the car seat at the Cleveland Airport. Grandpa Doug and Lincoln came to pick us up, and Lincoln had a Welcome Home sign that we loved. Jenn and I were thrilled to see Lincoln. Three weeks was too long.
Shortly after we arrived home, Lydia and Grandma Paulette came, and seeing Henry next to Lydia was a sight to behold. After 2 weeks with Henry, we were getting used to him and thinking of him as an 18-month-old, and it's now clear that he's much more like a 12-14 month old when we have Lydia as a point of comparison. That will all change in the next couple of months, though.
Getting home and seeing the three kids together was definitely a dose of reality. So was Henry's crying at 3:00am because of the time change and new environment. And so begins the next chapter of The Gates Experiment. The thought of being the mother and father that each of our individual children need is a bit overwhelming to think about at this point. Thankfully, we don't have to rely on our own strength. The blog posts will be fewer and further between now, but feel free to surf our blog as the days and weeks and months unfold.

Stay tuned for our upcoming Adoption-Themed post of "Things You Need To Have In Order Before You Travel," or "Setting Your Expectations Appropriately." You prospective adopters will not want to miss that.

Red Couch

And just like that, our time in China has drawn to a close.  As soon as Henry's visa arrives, we'll leave by van for Hong Kong.  It ought to be a bit less than 3 hours on the road, and we'll be sharing the ride with Dr. and Mrs. Indiana and their son, Ethan.
We made our own Red Couch today for the photo session, and the kids dressed up in their little Chinese outfits.  It was pretty cute... and hot and sticky.
Henry was a bit more fussy today, and it is becoming clear that he believes he is entitled to attention any time he wants it.  It's hard to get down on that, because that's the life he was thrown into for the last 10 days after 18 months in a remote Chinese orphanage.  He got really fussy just before lunch time, and because he know completely understands that the food comes from me, he did his fussing to me.  

Funny thing, though, his belly was still huge from breakfast.  His little body doesn't even really know when he's actually hungry.  With scheduled feeding times and limited feeding times in the orphanage, his body hasn't been conditioned to normal hunger/feeding cycles.  And because he was so upset because he thought it was lunch time, he started sucking on his fingers, a habit of which Jenn is not fond.  It becomes a vicious circle, though, when we tell him to stop sucking his fingers, because he is only equipped to calm himself by one of two methods: eating or sucking on fingers.  So when there's no food and no fingers, there is great turmoil, and we know that we need to give in to one of those things until we can help him develop the tools necessary to not get so worked up.

After a lunch of peanut butter & banana (he's eating some fruit now!), yogurt and oatmeal, he was in a better mood.  A learning experience for us all.
We're all packed now.  It's funny how much we accumulated on this trip... more than we anticipated at the outset.  Our marathon of travel will start very soon.

Paging Cole Hopwood

There is a new fashion mall that opened across the street from our hotel, and though most of the stores are still under construction, they've got the coolest displays out in front.  The first person we thought of as we drove by was Cole!  So we took some photos to share with everyone, but especially for Cole. Some of them are over 7 feet tall, others are not over 3 feet. Check 'em out...
After checking out the Transformers, we went to a very nice park adjacent to the hotel.  It was hot and muggy today, so we were only out for about an hour, but it was still nice to see a pretty park.
On our way, we were walking in the midst of a big crowd on the sidewalk, I was in front of Jenn and Henry, and a girl a few people ahead of me turned her head and noticed that we were Westerners holding a Chinese child. It was as if a sea had parted, as the crowd of girls and ladies in front stopped walking, stepped aside, and allowed me to pass them so they could see Jenn and Henry.  Kind of funny.

Henry helped me dry some laundry this afternoon.Henry is in a hair-pulling phase, and it's driving Jenn crazy.  And there is almost no such thing as discipline on an adoption trip.  When Jenn looks him in the eye and gives him a stern, "NO!" he just smiles at her.  A preview of what's to come... we'll see.

We've enjoyed a steady stream of reports from Cuyahoga Falls keeping us updated on Lincoln and Lydia.  They're sleeping longer than usual, and hopefully that will continue.  Also, it is our understanding that Lincoln is telling everyone who will listen why when it is daytime at home it must be nighttime in China because the sun can't shine on both sides of the world at the same time.  We'd expect nothing less of him!  And Lydia is still getting stares and compliments on her beautiful eyes, and is no less of a chatterbox.  We're unmeasurably grateful for each of our parents for caring for them in our absence.  We're not sure how Henry would be part of our family without good family at home to care for L&L.

And Grandma Gates is back in NE Ohio after wintering in Charlotte, and just in time to catch Ella through town, and to spend some bonus time with L&L, and to see Henry soon after our arrival.  We're looking forward to seeing her again.

On our final evening in China, we enjoyed a Chinese dinner with three of our friends, the families from Minnesota, Kansas and Illinois.  As I mentioned in my previous post, we've all got a neat connection now, and because we're all bloggers, it'll be neat to watch each of our Asian Additions grow up.  They all left kids at home, as well, and we're all itching to see our other kids soon.

US Consulate & New Links

I noticed last night that May of 2012 was my biggest blogging month ever. Wow! That's what you all get when I'm stuck in a hotel room with a sleeping kid, lots of photos and stories, and no television. Now, on to the reason you clicked onto this blog...

At 8:30 this morning we were at the US Consulate's office to submit our visa packet, and it ought to be delivered tomorrow around 3:30pm.  He will officially become a US citizen when US Immigration opens his packet and processes his information at the airport in Chicago.  We were told no fewer than a done times to "not open the brown envelope" before we get to Immigration.  I think it's kind of a big deal.
On another subject, Mr. Minnesota and I were talking about funny stuff, and I asked him if he'd ever seen The Dad Life.  He hadn't.  And then he asked if I'd seen the Toyota minivan commercial, and I hadn't, so I looked it up when I got back to the room.  Check it out...

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And if you've never seen The Dad Life, here you go...

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Anywhoo...

Today Henry let me carry him from the Consulate's office to the ground floor... 5 stories!  Then, he asked me to pick him up in the room several times.  Not wanting to press my luck, I set him down before he got fussy, but most times he asked to get picked back up.  This is all coming at a good time, because if he's cool with me holding him, the Day Of Travel on Saturday could be a lot easier on Jenn.

We're going to try to check out some of the markets around the hotel this evening if the kids' schedules cooperate.  Yes, there is a lot of downtime now, but this end to the week has seemed as though it's approaching quickly.

All of the families on our trip have been very, very nice, and there are a couple of families with whom we've particularly enjoyed spending our time and sharing these experiences.  I'm not sure any one family knew another before mid-May, but now we've all got a special connection.  I've included the blogs  represented by this bunch that don't require passwords in our blog roll on the right.  For you prospective adopters cruising our blog, check out Soli Deo Gloria (Minnesota), Road To Yin (Kansas), Dutter Family (Indiana), and 4craneys (Illinois) for additional perspectives.  Each of has had many similar experiences, but we've all had our unique situations, as well.  The kids featured on those blogs, Lucy, Ethan, Ethan and Nicholas, have been neat to watch over the last week-and-a-half as they've come out of their shells, much as Henry has done.

I'm sure I'll have more to post before we jet out of Hong Kong.  And prospective adopters, Jenn and I are working on a list of things you'll want to have in order before your trip.  Notice I didn't say a packing list... there are plenty of those out in the blogosphere.  Instead, we're going to put a unique spin on what you need to have ready before you come to pick up the next addition to your family.  Stay tuned...

More Little Developments

There are two things in particular that Henry does that are interesting to us, one that is very curious.  First, he is very good about having his teeth brushed.  We were dreading a wrestling match, especially when we saw his initial bath behavior, his diaper changing behavior, and his lack of cooperation when getting dressed.  But he actually likes having his teeth brushed, and sometimes he laughs as though the brush is tickling his gums.

The second item is a behavior that seems beyond his developmental age, and one that Lydia has not shown us in her 19 months.  If a behavioral psychologist happens across this blog, I'd like to think they might have an explanation for it.  He carries around a bag wedged between his right harm and his body, approaches both Jenn and me, reaches into the bag with his left hand, and then it is as if he's pretending to pull out an item and hand it to us.  This goes on for long periods of time and he gets a big smile on his face when we "take" the object and say, "Thank you!"  Perhaps the behavior can now be chalked up to positive re-enforcement, but he still showed the behavior before he saw us respond positively the first time.  It's very interesting for us to observe and participate in his pretending behavior.
I'm not sure why we brought any toys for him beyond the stacking cups.  He wants nothing to do with stuffed animals.  And along with the cups, he's busying himself with empty water bottles, his Tupperware dish, paper, the hotel slippers, and occasionally a balloon.  Prospective adoptive parents: don't be afraid to pack light in the toy department.

Our morale, as well as that of our new friends, has improved considerably this week.  I believe the reason for this is three-fold.  First, we're starting to understand our kids and they're starting to understand us.  Secondly, our accommodations, and everything that goes with them are significantly more pleasant in Guangzhou as compared with Zhengzhou.  Thirdly, home is on the horizon.  Also, Shamian Island is a ¥20 ($3.35) taxi ride away, so enjoyable shopping, good Western food, and a nice place to walk is very convenient and affordable.  In fact, Jenn went over to the Island with Mrs. Kansas and Mrs. Illinois to get massages.  They paid less than $20 for a foot massage that turned into a near-full body massage, and Jenn loved it.

Henry continues to both open up overall and to get more comfortable with me.  Jenn was gone when he woke up from his nap, so after we Skyped with Aunt Beth & Uncle Mark, we spent some time playing in new ways: I tossed him up in the air a few times, and then I swung him around a few times.  On each occasion, after I set him down (trying to be careful to not over-do it with him) he leaned into me with his arms raised asking to do it again.  And then Jenn returned, so she and I took care of some odds and ends around the room while Henry motored around as though he were hard at work.  He really works up a sweat when he's "working." Then this evening, he started resting on me a bit during our playtime as he has done with Jenn over the last eight days.  Little bits at a time.

And speaking of sweat, Henry's Wednesday dinner consisted of noodles that were quite spicy.  The kid doesn't complain an ounce... he can tolerate way more spice than his dad.  After a few minutes I looked closely at his hair to find that he was starting to sweat.  He wasn't sweating before dinner; it was the spicy noodles!  As each minute passed, he was getting more and more sweaty, so Jenn got a wet, cool cloth and cooled him off.

Plane, Train or Van?

This morning we Skyped with Grandma Laura & Grandpa Dave and The Great-Grandparents Mullen.  Henry played along for the most part, but he was kind of busy during that time, so for part of the time he was all over the place. Also, Henry took a bath this morning without screaming. Sure, there was a little bit of fussing and crying, but nothing like what we've seen from him over the previous week.The only thing on the agenda at the beginning of the day was a trip to the Pearl Market.  It's really a giant mall with lots of jewelry stores that mostly deal in bulk: pearls, jade, amythest, amber, etc.  And a reputation for pick-pockets.  Henry rode with me while Jenn shopped, and he did okay.  He was tired from being pretty restless last night, and then not taking his morning nap like he'd been indicating that he needed.  We came back to the hotel for a quick lunch, and he's down for his nap now.
Jenn and a few of the other ladies are going back to Shamian Island for massages.  I'm going to chill in the hotel as I've been doing around this time for the last two weeks.
On to some logistical info that may be helpful for the prospective adopting parents out there.  When we were making our travel plans in The States, our options for the Guangzhou to Hong Kong leg of the journey were three:

1. plane - most costly, shortr trip but more time spent in airports, so not quicker in the grand scheme
   
2. van - longest transit, mid-cost, but didn't sound as cool as a...
   
3. train - least costly, we thought it would be cool to add a train to our China travel experience

But what we didn't know was that we'd have to go to the train station almost as early as we'd have to get to the airport, and we'd have to wait potentially several hours for the next train out.  We knew we'd be in charge of our luggage for the entire train trip, but we didn't know we'd have to lug it up four flights of stairs to purchase our tickets and the lug it back down to the platform.  Our guides told us that if we hired a van, the van would pick us up right after our US Consulate appointment and take us straight to Hong Kong.  On top of that, we'd be able to split the fee with our friends, the Indiana family.  So all things considered, we settled on the van over the plane and the train. And I can't finish the above discussion without at least sharing one clip from the classic Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

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Trip to Shamian Island

Yesterday afternoon, we went to the play room, and while we were there, we met some other adoptive families from other agencies.  One, in particular, was with a 2 year old little girl who proceeded to throw a temper tantrum the likes of which I have never personally witnessed.  After about ten minutes, she calmed down, and was actually a very sweet little girl, her performance notwithstanding.

She was a bit on the extreme end, but something nevertheless that Jenn and I have witnessed to one degree or another with nearly all of the adopted kids we've seen, including Henry (and we'd say all of the kids around whom we've spent more than an hour).  In fact, while we're not yet adoptive parenting experts (tune in next week... har!), we can certainly understand how adopted kids can grow into spoiled brats if their parents aren't very consciously staying on top of things.  It's as though they leave the orphanage and become exposed to new people that want to shower them with love and attention, and they don't know how to respond.  It takes them very little time to display a sense of entitlement, and then it's just a short leap to very manipulative behavior.  We've seen it in our own hotel room.  We're not sure if the shower of love they experience in such a short time is overwhelming for them, or if their little neuropathways aren't hardwired to deal with the new emotions that they're feeling, but we've personally witnessed this entitlement-mentality and manipulative behavior on so many occasions that it's our current working theory.

Again, if you've been keeping up with this little blog, you won't be surprised to see me draw an analogy to our own lives.  How soon after we acknowledge that there is a God (who loves us whether we acknowledge that aspect of His character or not) do we start placing irrational or tedious demands upon Him rather than simply slowing down and experiencing His love?  Even the God-deniers do this.  Like these kids, we often think we know what our Father's love ought to look like, and when our circumstances don't meet our preconceived expectations, or when we hear Him say, "No," we freak out, or pout, or question His love for us.

In just eight days, there have been times when we've had to say, "No," to Henry or do something for/to him (such as give him a bath or change his diaper) and watch him fuss and whine and cry because of his lack of full knowlege of the depth of our love for him... and I imagine our Father has experienced this feeling a time or two throughout human history.  But as Henry gets to know us, and as we get to know our Father, those seemingly uncomfortable or tough times will be seen less as a lack of love and more as a true manifestation of love in the big picture.  Another lesson from adoption...
After Henry took a 3.5 hr nap, Jenn decided to go on the Pearl River dinner cruise, and while Henry made an embarrassing display of begging behavior throughout dinner, and then gave us a total meltdown of crying when his Mommy needed a few minutes to herself, Jenn and I actually enjoyed ourselves.  A few years back, the government spent a bunch of money cleaning up and dressing up the banks of the Pearl River, the fourth-largest river in China.  For the average American, not much, if any, is known about Guangzhou, but it's a huge city and there are a number of areas that look really cool from the water.  For instance Haixinsha Stadium hosted the opening and closing ceremonies for the 2010 Asian Olympics, and Canton Tower is the tallest building in Guangzhou and changes colors by the seconds.
After the cruise, I went to the 7-11 right beside our hotel for some junk food, and it turned out to be nearly fruitless. They didn't even have any Coca-Cola.  Instead, the high-light of my short walk was being approached by what can only be described as a Chinese hooker asking me if I wanted a "pretty lady massage," and then being approached by another hooker-looking "lady" who handed me a business card that read, "Have China Young and beautiful little girl.  Massage Russian Girls.  Si: Beautiful women Sparetime Model.  Young and beautiful young lady..."  You get the drift, and then there was some contact info.  It turned my stomach.

This morning after breakfast, most of our families took some taxis over to Shamian Island.  That's where the White Swan hotel is with the Red Couch (Google it and see how many hits you get), but it's closed until 2014 for total renovation.  That's why we're at The China Hotel.  And while this hotel is very nice, and the staff has been nothing short of friendly and tolerant, we wish we were at the White Swan because Shamian Island is beautiful and a very nice place around which to take a stroll.
I heard another in our tour describe it as "beautiful" yesterday, and I thought to myself, "Could any place in Guangzhou really be described as 'beautiful'?"  But it is.  There is definitely an 1800's to early 1900's Euro feel to the area, it is very clean, and it's clear that they're catering to Western tourists and adoptive families.  And it's also clear that the shop keepers and restaurateurs are very disappointed that the White Swan is closed, and that it's impacting business big-time.
We did some shopping, ate a good Western lunch at Lucy's, and hitched a cab-ride back.  At first, the cabbie appeared to get testy with the amount of people we put in the car (3 Gates & 4 of Kentucky's family), but I had little patience with an Asian telling us we had too many people in a vehicle.  I've seen too many cabs, buses and bicycles over capacity in my 2.5 weeks here to fall for that.  So after a few minutes of the driver rambling in Mandarin, and Mr. Kentucky saying something to him about, "This is how we got here... in a taxi," and my saying something about, "We're going to pay," as I showed him my money, he took off.  Then he pointed to Henry and Littlest Miss Kentucky in the backseat (while he was driving in Guangzhou traffic), and rambled some more, and Mr. Kentucky made sounds that to the untrained ear might have sounded like Mandarin but were, in fact, simply babbling sounds.  At that point, the cabbie said, "I speak English."  We all had a big laugh, and the we asked him some questions only to learn that his vocabulary was limited to, "I speak English." Ah, the humor of a cabbie.
Henry has been Mr. Pleasant today, and we all needed that after last evening.  He let me pick him up out of the crib and hold him for a few minutes first thing this morning, he ate breakfast on my lap and even let me carry him to get more yogurt (which he eats very well with a straw... whooda thunk?) with only minimal fussing, he sat on my lap for about a half-hour while Jenn was in and out of shops (no food was involved!), and he's getting even more playful with both of us.  And the more he interacts with me, the less Jenn feels like his baby sitter and the more she feels like his Mommy... who couldn't understand this?  As time has passed, he's shown more of an interest in playing a little bit more physically, such as mild wrestling behavior and inviting us to tickle him more.  Initially he was ticklish, but he had a short limit on the amount of time he wanted to engage.  Now, he often sets himself up and wants to continue the ticklish play even after we're tired of it.

There's more paperwork on tap today as we prep for the Consulate appointment on Thursday.  I think I'm now going to try and nap.