Labor Day Weekend... We're Comin' Along

It's been a fun last couple of days at the Gates Home.The latest play-fad is going "grocery shopping" in the pantry. The kids get all of the food off of the shelves (they can reach) and bring them out into the middle of the kitchen floor. Lincoln then brings out the blender and they "make a smoothie" by putting as many ingredients into the blender and "pouring" the rest of the ingredients through the opening in the lid.Henry was an absolute all-star at church yesterday. Jenn and I knew that we'd have to start leaving him in the kids class with Lydia when our ABF kicks off again, so we decided that September 2 would be our trial run. Henry walked in the door (having seen the toys first) and followed Lydia to the middle of the room. He looked back once, but the teachers were really calm and patient with him, so he was really cool about it. Jenn and I had our first whole church experience without crying interruptions or chasing kids around the atrium since early May. When I went to get Henry and Lydia, I received the report that Henry hadn't cried at all and played very well with the other kids.

Now here's the thing about that... This past Wednesday I took Henry and Lincoln for haircuts, and it was Henry's second since coming home. After being a really good, calm boy the first time around, he was an absolute train-wreck the second time. Something about actually knowing what to anticipate. So the real test will be next Sunday, but we've got a whole 'nother week to pray about that!Lincoln and I made some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies yesterday and put them in the oven today. Lydia even helped a little bit, but when over half of the chocolate chips that she was supposed to put in the mixer ended up on the floor, her time of helpfulness was over. Honestly, Lincoln was really good about this. The dough had gotten pretty firm in the refrigerator overnight, but he scooped over 40 cookies by himself, steadying the bowl and filling the scoop each time all by himself.I've alluded to the fact that the last couple of months have had their difficulties. (New to the blog and interested in filtering out all of the other stuff so you can just see our adoption journey? click here.) Henry has adjusted well, but when it has come to dealing with his emerging toddler issues, the stuggles of attatching to him, his lack of communication ability, the pairing of toddler issues that come along with Lydia, and the overall ordeal of having 3 young kids in the house, we've had some tough, even dark times. But things are looking up, and there are a number of reasons for this. First of all, at no time along the way has our relationship with the LORD or with each other been comprimised.

Secondly, our times with Dr. DeGeorge at Oak Adoptive Health have been helpful for re-enforcing some positives and making clear that there are neurochemical reasons for our stresses.

Thirdly, Jenn and I have intentionally taken some time to see how far things really have come over the last three months. The before-and-after photos are very helpful.

Fourthly, when we learn of some of the struggles that other adoptive families have had, we see that in many areas, we don't have those degrees of struggles. To be clear, even if someone has greater issues than we have, that doesn't mean that ours are not difficult or that they aren't significant within our home. But we are soooooo thankful that Henry sleeps through the night, that he naps reliably, that he doesn't have anger issues and that he doesn't have possession issues. And he's slowly making progress on the communication front. Seeing that there has been progress on this front is encouraging.

Also helpful are the times we revisit CCAI's website to look at the current group of Waiting Children. The need is so great, both in terms of numbers of kids and in individual terms. Looking at the stories of these boys and girls is sobering... and to think that at one point in time there was a page just like these for Henry, with a description of what little history he had as well as his physical limitations. When I read some of the stories of the boys and girls I think to myself, "Who is going to adopt these kids?" And my next thought is, how many people looked at Henry's page and said to themselves, "Who's going to adopt this little boy?" Well, we did, and he's growing up into a neat little boy! And that's just it, these kids need loving families, and they can thrive and overcome what life has dealt them if they are simply provided a loving family.

Are things now going to be all lollipops and roses going forward? Ha! Fat chance. The main reason I share the above is for prospective adoptive families to get a small glimpse into the world of a current adoptive family that wasn't all smooth sailing from the start. If you're thinking about adoption and you'd like to learn more details than I've even shared here, don't hesitate to contact us. You deserve to have as much information prior to your big day as possible.

And as Jenn and I were reflecting on these things today during lunch (after we told the kids to go entertain themselves!), we actually talked about adopting another. We're crazy. We know.

But in all seriousness, despite the difficulties, the feelings of guilt that have emerged from time to time along the way, and all of the chaos, we still believe we are acting within God's plan for our family, so who knows what will come.

Now moving on from Adoption stuff and back to Gates Family stuff. We were outside the other day, I was power washing the house and Jenn and the kids were washing the car, and Lydia decided to clean her guns. Our first thought was, "Grandpa Doug and Uncle Jeremy would be proud!"Bath time has been a hoot lately when, after getting all of the kids out of the tub and semi-dried off in their animal towels, they all run off toghether the room-of-their-choice-at-the-moment.This past Saturday was the 9th installment of the Lauren & Logan Birthday Party. Our kids ate like horses and enjoyed themselves amidst the excitement.Lincoln has been quite the photographer lately! He likes to carry the camera around and snap pictures, and I've tried to make it easier on him by not giving him a zoom lens (one more thing for him to have to do with his hands) and by letting him choose whether or not he wants the flash. It's neat because when he's taking photos of Lydia or Henry, their behavior is just different compared with when I'm holding the camera. And, his vantage point is also different from mine, so he/we get some different shots. Here's a sampling...And when the kids are asleep, Jenn either takes a power walk or goes out to the swing set to relax.Lincoln starts preschool tomorrow!!!!!

Date Night!

Last evening Jenn and I went on an early-Anniversary date, and it was our first night out since mid-May in Hong Kong. The report out of Grandma & Grandpa was that the kids did great, even for Henry's bedtime routine.We went to the Blue Point Grille for dinner, had a fantastic dinner of calamari, tuna (for Jenn) & grouper (for me), and a killer 'smores-style dessert. Then it was off to see Chris Tucker at the State Theater. To say that we were in the minority in the audience would be a tremendous understatement. Who says we're not doing our part for diversity? Most of the show was really, really funny, and overall it was a very pleasant evening out for us to be adults for awhile instead of glorified baby-sitters.It's hard to believe what all has happened over the past 9+ years. Over dinner we were recalling some of the shows and concerts we've been to, and we were half blown away to think that we saw Huey Lewis & the News 10 years ago. Holy cow! And to think three kids, one of them adopted, have popped up since our mid-vet school days is a bit crazy. I'm not sure our 2003 selves would believe seeing our 2012 selves.Earlier in the day on Saturday we went to a music class that good friends of ours have attended with their daughter for over a year. The teacher has a bachelors in music and a masters in child psychology, so he knows his stuff and how to reach these little kids. They bang on drums and all sorts of percussion instruments, they sing songs in 4/4 time and 3/3 time (I think that's how to say it... lousy musician here), and the room is set up so they can pretty much do whatever they want the whole time and not really ruin anything. Lincoln really got into it, Henry was pretty interactive, and it was Lydia that was the shy and reserved one. Kind of surprised me.

Also, at the end of the class, a mother approached me and commented about Henry's hand and drew my attention to her own hands. She'd had surgery to correct her amniotic banding and her fingers were of variable length & function. (One of the boys in our adoption group was born with the consequences of amniotic banding, so it was especially neat that this mother was so up front about it.) I hadn't noticed her situation at all during the class, and it's just evidence that folks with disabilities like that just figure out ways to do life and do it in such a way that doesn't draw an ounce of attention. Pretty cool.I want to take a moment and say something specifically to the adoptive parents reading this blog, the ones with whom we traveled around China. When we read your blogs and read between the lines and see that there are struggles with bringing your sons and daughters along, it... and I mean this with all sincerity, respect and in the purest form... it makes us feel better about our situation. To know that we're not the only ones with tough times makes the tough times so much easier to deal with, and in turn, makes things much easier for the kids, adopted & biological. If you're not an adoptive parent, this last paragraph didn't make much sense, and in fact you're probably wondering why I sound so crazy. But for you adoptive parents, you know what I'm talking about. Know that we're all going to make it!

Left on tap today is power washing the house. Jenn is going to set up the water table in the front yard, and because tonight is a bath night, we're going to get all sunscreened and sweaty this afternoon in a big family memory-building time. I can sense your envy as you read this.

Toddler Camera Fun

This morning I was holding Henry as I was preparing breakfast, but I had to set him down to cut the omlet. He started crying, and I said, "Hold on, Henry, I just have to cut the omlet." Then Lydia walked over to Henry, stuck out her finger and said, "Dad. Cut. Egg. Hen. No. Cry." Hilarious.Things have definitely improved within the last week as far as Henry's attitude and our response to his attitude are concerned. After weeks of frustration with crying and screaming, not eating well, throwing food, etc., Henry has settled down, and I have to believe it's because he's been getting hugged at every turn. It's not as though we weren't showing him love from the outset (far from it!), but we've stepped up our game even more, and it's paying off.The twins have been wanting to play in the cribs during the day, and they're getting no argument from us on that front. It deinitely limits the messes.And today while Jenn was getting her hair cut and a pedicure, Lydia, Henry and I had some fun with the camera and the remote control.Lincoln is spending the day with Grandpa Doug at Leesville Lake, so it's a Mommy/Daddy/Toddler-Twin Day. Always an adventure!

Red Couch

And just like that, our time in China has drawn to a close.  As soon as Henry's visa arrives, we'll leave by van for Hong Kong.  It ought to be a bit less than 3 hours on the road, and we'll be sharing the ride with Dr. and Mrs. Indiana and their son, Ethan.
We made our own Red Couch today for the photo session, and the kids dressed up in their little Chinese outfits.  It was pretty cute... and hot and sticky.
Henry was a bit more fussy today, and it is becoming clear that he believes he is entitled to attention any time he wants it.  It's hard to get down on that, because that's the life he was thrown into for the last 10 days after 18 months in a remote Chinese orphanage.  He got really fussy just before lunch time, and because he know completely understands that the food comes from me, he did his fussing to me.  

Funny thing, though, his belly was still huge from breakfast.  His little body doesn't even really know when he's actually hungry.  With scheduled feeding times and limited feeding times in the orphanage, his body hasn't been conditioned to normal hunger/feeding cycles.  And because he was so upset because he thought it was lunch time, he started sucking on his fingers, a habit of which Jenn is not fond.  It becomes a vicious circle, though, when we tell him to stop sucking his fingers, because he is only equipped to calm himself by one of two methods: eating or sucking on fingers.  So when there's no food and no fingers, there is great turmoil, and we know that we need to give in to one of those things until we can help him develop the tools necessary to not get so worked up.

After a lunch of peanut butter & banana (he's eating some fruit now!), yogurt and oatmeal, he was in a better mood.  A learning experience for us all.
We're all packed now.  It's funny how much we accumulated on this trip... more than we anticipated at the outset.  Our marathon of travel will start very soon.

Paging Cole Hopwood

There is a new fashion mall that opened across the street from our hotel, and though most of the stores are still under construction, they've got the coolest displays out in front.  The first person we thought of as we drove by was Cole!  So we took some photos to share with everyone, but especially for Cole. Some of them are over 7 feet tall, others are not over 3 feet. Check 'em out...
After checking out the Transformers, we went to a very nice park adjacent to the hotel.  It was hot and muggy today, so we were only out for about an hour, but it was still nice to see a pretty park.
On our way, we were walking in the midst of a big crowd on the sidewalk, I was in front of Jenn and Henry, and a girl a few people ahead of me turned her head and noticed that we were Westerners holding a Chinese child. It was as if a sea had parted, as the crowd of girls and ladies in front stopped walking, stepped aside, and allowed me to pass them so they could see Jenn and Henry.  Kind of funny.

Henry helped me dry some laundry this afternoon.Henry is in a hair-pulling phase, and it's driving Jenn crazy.  And there is almost no such thing as discipline on an adoption trip.  When Jenn looks him in the eye and gives him a stern, "NO!" he just smiles at her.  A preview of what's to come... we'll see.

We've enjoyed a steady stream of reports from Cuyahoga Falls keeping us updated on Lincoln and Lydia.  They're sleeping longer than usual, and hopefully that will continue.  Also, it is our understanding that Lincoln is telling everyone who will listen why when it is daytime at home it must be nighttime in China because the sun can't shine on both sides of the world at the same time.  We'd expect nothing less of him!  And Lydia is still getting stares and compliments on her beautiful eyes, and is no less of a chatterbox.  We're unmeasurably grateful for each of our parents for caring for them in our absence.  We're not sure how Henry would be part of our family without good family at home to care for L&L.

And Grandma Gates is back in NE Ohio after wintering in Charlotte, and just in time to catch Ella through town, and to spend some bonus time with L&L, and to see Henry soon after our arrival.  We're looking forward to seeing her again.

On our final evening in China, we enjoyed a Chinese dinner with three of our friends, the families from Minnesota, Kansas and Illinois.  As I mentioned in my previous post, we've all got a neat connection now, and because we're all bloggers, it'll be neat to watch each of our Asian Additions grow up.  They all left kids at home, as well, and we're all itching to see our other kids soon.